Team 7

The concept of "Team 7" was given to me by my friend Nathan. Basically it goes like this: A certain girl has the choice between 2 guys. One of the guys is a 9 out of 10 on her hotness scale and the other is a lowly 7. However, if the 9 is kind of laid back about dating and calls less often while the 7 is persistent without being creepy or annoying, who does the girl end up with? if you said the 9 you are probably wrong. Most people you talk to will say the girl ends up with the one who cares enough to put in persistent effort to win her heart.

The actual name "Team 7" was created when Martin, Lee and I were explaining this concept to a friend of ours. She had an objection to what we were telling her and she wanted to prove her point with a hypothetical situation. I don't remember what that was because she started out her hypothetical situation with the phrase, "OK, for example, you three boys are all sevens..." We all laughed very hard at that because we all know that we are sevens but you don't tell someone that they are a seven. It's like calling someone who is obviously stupid a "dummy". So after that we called ourselves Team 7. Of course we didn't let Nathan into team 7 because he is clearly a 9. :) Of the original Team 7 I am the only one not married. I guess I am just not persistent enough.

Look for this in your single friends or friends who are getting married. You will find examples of team 7 everywhere.

The Jetsons

I had a boring life as a child. It was so boring that I used to make up incredible tales about what I did during the day with the Jetsons. George Jetson was my favorite at the time but I also really loved Astro. If i ever have a dog I am going to name it Astro. It was entertaining for my family to hear about the Jetsons at the dinner table and after a while they began to ask me, "what did you and George Jetson do today?" Everyone would laugh and laugh except me. It didn't take long for me to realize that everyone knew I was lying about what George and I did and they were just trying to find out what kind of shenanigans I could think up. Sometimes my stories would come off the top of my head and other times they would coincide with what really happened on that day's episode. After a while i grew tired of telling my stories and having them not be taken seriously. One evening when we all sat together my brother smiled at me and asked, "How was George Jetson today?" I looked down at the table and then behind me apprehensive of what I knew i had to report. "George Jetson died today..." there was a moment of silence as everyone mourned for George Jetson. I wonder if some of my siblings really think George died or if they all caught on to the fact that i was just telling a lie to get out of my other lies...

"Clean-up on Aisle 9!"

To me, one of the most embarrassing things you can do at the grocery store is drop something that makes a huge mess. 2 days ago I was pulling some juice off the shelf and as I went to check the ingredients to see if there was any high fructose corn syrup (I am trying to avoid it) it slipped out of my hands. Before I knew it there was a gallon of white grape juice all over aisle nine. I grabbed another bottle and beckoned to Estee, who was getting quite a chuckle out of the situation, to walk quickly with me to check out and tell the clerk that there was a mess. I felt terrible because I am sure the poor old man at the counter was going to end up cleaning it up.

If you think that is the end of this story you are wrong. The very next day Estee and I were at Macey's picking up some camp chairs they have on sale there for 5 bucks a piece (a great deal really...) and I decided to go grab some chips and salsa for a snack later. I also grabbed some honey. I only had 2 hands so I was forced to balance the Chachies mango salsa on top of the honey. It situated itself quite nicely inside the lid and wasn't all that hard to hold. I do not know what distracted me but i totally forgot the precarious position in which I had placed my Chachies. The next thing I know I heard a splat and felt a cold drop of salsa on my toe. The whole bottom of the salsa bowl broke and it exploded all over aisle ten of Macey's. To make things worse, I exclaimed, "You have got to be kidding me!" so loudly that I called the attention of all the people and the clerks at the nearby check stands. A store clerk shouted that he would take care of it and rushed to get some supplies. And once again Estee, who this time was practically rolling on the floor with laughter, and I briskly walked to a checkout to leave after I had made a mess.

Botulism

I was reading on the honey jar today that you are not supposed to give honey to infants under the age of one. Naturally I was intrigued and so i did some research. (thanks world wide web) It turns out that there are spores in honey that can cause botulism. As adults we have friendly bacterium in our digestive tracts that keep us from getting it but infants don't have this line of defense and therefore they can get infant botulism and even die. I am not sure what botulism is but i hear it effects the nervous system.

The name botulism could really mean someone who is racist against someone from Botulia. I can just hear the news now:
"Today the racist group called "We Have Botulism" rallied near city hall in order to protest the arrival of 2 train loads of Botulian refugees who were displaced from their native Botulia after Botulist violence spread from the jungle regions of the botulian mountains."

Now i am pretty sure there is not a country called Botulia but if there was... I would be willing to bet that the scientist who named the disease botulism was a botulist pig!

Addendum to "My ding-a-ling"

According to Wikipedia (which we all know is NEVER wrong) Chuck Berry did not write the song but sang it the way he did with full knowledge of the double meaning of ding-a-ling. Also, he didn't sing it as long ago as i had assumed. Also...everyone i know seems to have heard this song before but me...

The Maintenance Man Saga Continues

I left my apartment this morning to find my maintenance man outside knocking on the door of the apartment upstairs. I figured it would be nice of me to tell him that no one is living there yet. Unfortunately he didn't know enough English to understand me and so I had to show him. I then proceeded to break into the apartment through a window. It had been left unlocked so i pushed it open. Then, I hopped onto the windowsill with my big butt sticking out, reaching over to unlock the door. Later at work it dawned on me that this was the same man that I had accidentally called "sexy." (see "the Mexican surprise" blog entry) I wonder if he thinks I am less gay now that I went out of my way to help him AND stuck my butt out at him through a window. Hopefully he really didn't understand me when I called him sexy in the first place...I mean there is no coming back from that one. :)

My Ding-a-ling

Every time I look at my favorite ukulele site on the internet I pass by the song called "My Ding-a-ling." Each time I say to myself, "Well, that song has to be either really old or really inappropriate." Finally, after overlooking the link to this song many times I decided to take a peak. I was surprised to read the lyrics and find that it is BOTH very old AND can be taken very inappropriately. Chuck Berry wrote this song about a string that his grandmother gave him that had bells attached. She told him it was his ding-a-ling.

(These are some of the real lyrics to this song.)

Third verse:
As I was swimming cross turtle creek,
Man, them snappers all around my feet.
Sure was hard swimming cross that thing,
With both hands holding my ding-a-ling-a-ling

Chorus:
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
Won't you play with my ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling-a-ling

I wonder if Chuck was just clueless when he wrote this song or if later generations perverted the meaning...

Eugoogally for the fish

This blog entry is dedicated to the lost souls of our original six apartment goldfish. I will list their names and all who knew them can have a moment of silence.

Spot - we are pretty sure you were killed and eaten by your brothers.
Alpha, Kuntakinta, Striper, and Geronimo - you all looked alike after a few months but each of you got flushed separately.
Brunt - You did not live the longest like your owner thought after you ate everyone else's fins. One of the quadruplets beat you in the endurance category.

Who knew that after the Great overfeeding of November 16th or the month long famine of January that it would be high nitrate levels and the loss of a decent fish tank vacuum that finally took the lives of our beloved friends. We loved you very much, (not like those stupid shrimp, they were dumb) and you will be missed. I don't know whether or not i have the heart to replace our fish with others. Maybe I will just give the plant a name and enjoy that for a while.

oh by the way, Andrew, Ben, Josh, and Cody, ummm your fish all died when you went to Europe... sorry I didn't let you know before.