Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Oh good... I was worried that I was a racist for a minute there!

So, I am in Rite Aid at the Crystal City metro stop and I am perusing the shelves. I noticed that the black woman standing at the end of the aisle looked a lot like the lady that works in the office right next to mine. Just as the thought entered into my head that she looked like Tina, I kicked myself. I thought to myself, 'David, that is so racist! Not all black people look alike!' Then the lady glanced up and saw me looking at her, smiled at me and said, "Hi, David." Turns out it really WAS the lady that works next to me. I was pleased to not be a racist after all. Also, I need to remember to wear my glasses more often...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Old Folk

Does anyone find it curious that the word "Crotchety," "Croquet," and "Crochet," are so similar? They all seem to be tied to old people.

The crotchety old man was playing croquet while the crocheting old woman watched.

...I am just saying...

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Why is this logo on shoes?!

Remind you of anything?

On the same flight as the last post was about while looking through Skymall magazine, my neighbor pointed out that the logo on a pair of shoes in the magazine was ridiculous… What do you think?

I read everything the magazine had to say about the shoes and nowhere did it talk about reproductive systems…

Three Year Old on the Flight

You would think there was a three year old sitting behind me on this plane. About every 15 minutes it feels like she is just punching the back of my seat. I look back and see the 40-something lady that is actuallybehind me. She smelled like alcohol before she got on theplane and she asked for 2 beers when the cart came around. When the plane shakes a little she starts talking loudly toherself. It is not cute. In stark contrast the actual three year old sitting beside me is adorable and very well behaved. She has satquietly and when she has spoken it is pleasant and often very funny. It amazes me the stark contrast between the “little girl”behind me and the little girl next to me.

we had some fun with photobooth.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Role Confusion

Question: If a lesbian couple gets onto a crowded metro and there is one seat left, which of the two gets to sit down?

This is the exact situation that happened on the metro the other day. A couple was arguing about who got to sit down in the seat next to me while the other one stood.

I guess if I was a part of a lesbian couple I would make sure that we decide these things beforehand so we don't make a scene in public. How embarrassing for them. Of course a lot of things would have to be very different in order for that scenario to involve me anyway...

Thursday, June 10, 2010


It is said that "Time heals all things." I think that of all the things in the world that are tricky and fluster me in any way time is the most obstinate of them all. When you are happy and having fun time speeds up so you don't get to enjoy the fun as long. When you are grieving, time is the only thing that can make you feel better but it goes so slowly that being healed and happy again seems a million years away. In my mind it should be the other way around. Time should fly by when you are grieved and slow way down when you are having fun. That way sadness will seem to last only a moment and your happy times will seem to never end.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Free Publicity

I decided tonight that if I was a golfer right now I would change my name. It is not that I don't like my name. In fact, I love it. I just was thinking that if I was a golfer having the name "Mick Ilson" it would be very advantageous. People would be like, "When is Mickelson teeing off?" And people would answer, "OH, Mick Ilson? He's teeing off at 9" Then people would show up to see me tee off and be like, "Oh, haha. Funny. I wanted to see Mickelson. Oh well, I guess I will just watch this Mick Ilson guy play."

Deep inside I would know that all my fans really wanted to see Mickelson play golf but I think it wouldn't matter to me. It would always make me chuckle at every hole and it would remind me that golf is supposed to be fun. And hey, who doesn't like a good prank that involves tricking other people, right?

haha Mick Ilson... it's funny because it sounds like Mickelson...