Botulism

I was reading on the honey jar today that you are not supposed to give honey to infants under the age of one. Naturally I was intrigued and so i did some research. (thanks world wide web) It turns out that there are spores in honey that can cause botulism. As adults we have friendly bacterium in our digestive tracts that keep us from getting it but infants don't have this line of defense and therefore they can get infant botulism and even die. I am not sure what botulism is but i hear it effects the nervous system.

The name botulism could really mean someone who is racist against someone from Botulia. I can just hear the news now:
"Today the racist group called "We Have Botulism" rallied near city hall in order to protest the arrival of 2 train loads of Botulian refugees who were displaced from their native Botulia after Botulist violence spread from the jungle regions of the botulian mountains."

Now i am pretty sure there is not a country called Botulia but if there was... I would be willing to bet that the scientist who named the disease botulism was a botulist pig!

Addendum to "My ding-a-ling"

According to Wikipedia (which we all know is NEVER wrong) Chuck Berry did not write the song but sang it the way he did with full knowledge of the double meaning of ding-a-ling. Also, he didn't sing it as long ago as i had assumed. Also...everyone i know seems to have heard this song before but me...

The Maintenance Man Saga Continues

I left my apartment this morning to find my maintenance man outside knocking on the door of the apartment upstairs. I figured it would be nice of me to tell him that no one is living there yet. Unfortunately he didn't know enough English to understand me and so I had to show him. I then proceeded to break into the apartment through a window. It had been left unlocked so i pushed it open. Then, I hopped onto the windowsill with my big butt sticking out, reaching over to unlock the door. Later at work it dawned on me that this was the same man that I had accidentally called "sexy." (see "the Mexican surprise" blog entry) I wonder if he thinks I am less gay now that I went out of my way to help him AND stuck my butt out at him through a window. Hopefully he really didn't understand me when I called him sexy in the first place...I mean there is no coming back from that one. :)

My Ding-a-ling

Every time I look at my favorite ukulele site on the internet I pass by the song called "My Ding-a-ling." Each time I say to myself, "Well, that song has to be either really old or really inappropriate." Finally, after overlooking the link to this song many times I decided to take a peak. I was surprised to read the lyrics and find that it is BOTH very old AND can be taken very inappropriately. Chuck Berry wrote this song about a string that his grandmother gave him that had bells attached. She told him it was his ding-a-ling.

(These are some of the real lyrics to this song.)

Third verse:
As I was swimming cross turtle creek,
Man, them snappers all around my feet.
Sure was hard swimming cross that thing,
With both hands holding my ding-a-ling-a-ling

Chorus:
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
Won't you play with my ding-a-ling
My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling
I want you to play with my ding-a-ling-a-ling

I wonder if Chuck was just clueless when he wrote this song or if later generations perverted the meaning...

Eugoogally for the fish

This blog entry is dedicated to the lost souls of our original six apartment goldfish. I will list their names and all who knew them can have a moment of silence.

Spot - we are pretty sure you were killed and eaten by your brothers.
Alpha, Kuntakinta, Striper, and Geronimo - you all looked alike after a few months but each of you got flushed separately.
Brunt - You did not live the longest like your owner thought after you ate everyone else's fins. One of the quadruplets beat you in the endurance category.

Who knew that after the Great overfeeding of November 16th or the month long famine of January that it would be high nitrate levels and the loss of a decent fish tank vacuum that finally took the lives of our beloved friends. We loved you very much, (not like those stupid shrimp, they were dumb) and you will be missed. I don't know whether or not i have the heart to replace our fish with others. Maybe I will just give the plant a name and enjoy that for a while.

oh by the way, Andrew, Ben, Josh, and Cody, ummm your fish all died when you went to Europe... sorry I didn't let you know before.

My Metaphors

I am a metaphor man. I love making metaphors and expanding them to mean a lot of different things. My most recent metaphor is about myself and my newly diagnosed case of ADHD. My metaphor went a little something like this:

I am like a bouncy ball. Generally when you get me moving I just bounce a few times and then who knows what direction I will deflect in. However if you were to tie that ball to a rubber band and attach that rubber band to a paddle you can control the awesome power inside to do great things. Or at least be entertained for a bit... :)

I love these things but I never was very good at them. I think I just didn't have the right amount of finesse to be a pro at it.

Action Names

A few weeks ago I challenged a friend of mine, named Camille, to a duel of whit. We decided to find all the people 's names we could think of that are also verbs. At first we only found three but upon more pondering about it we came up with a huge list of names that are also verbs. Here is the list we have so far. About half of them came from Estee after i told her about the game...firmly placing her in the lead. She is good at this game.

Mary - We are getting married.
Josh - Just joshing you. (as in joking)
Nick - He nicked me with the razor.
Bob - I bobbed for apples.
Phil - I will fill your glass.
Ralph - I think i am going to ralph after eating your lasagna.
Taylor - I got fat and now i have to tailor my pants.
Snoop - Stop snooping around my apartment, CREEPO!
DJ - I am djing the party tonight.
Joey or Joy - I am going to joy in your misery.
Barry - I will bury the hatchet.
Carey - I will carry your burdens.
Briggit - See that gap? you should bridge it.
Bear - I will bare my teeth.
Wade - I will wade through the waist deep water.
Sue - I am going to sue your butt.
Terry - Don't tarry here too long, you will get busted for loitering.
Chuck - I am going to chuck this old pizza out.
Tuck - Will you tuck me in to my bed tonight?
Buck - The horse bucked me off.
Jack - That dude just jacked my car!
Gage - It is hard to gauge how awesome i am.
Jet - i have to jet.
Tell - I am going to tell mom!
Rock - I will rock you!
Tan - I am going to tan the leather.
Cher - I will share my food with you.
Bill - Bill me later.
Rob - Don't rob the bank.
Huck - I hucked the log into the river.
Chip - I chipped the glass
Will - I will.

Honorable mention:
Pete - First i peated then RE-peated the third grade...eh? eh? i am hilarious!
Sire - I know it isn't a name but it is a title and it is a funny verb...look it up.

If you have anything to add to this list please feel free to comment i have had a lot of fun coming up with these with my friends.